Daily Joke

You might be a redneck if most of your family photos were taken by law enforcement.

Say good-bye to sexy Alexander. (Big sigh of regret) Because this is the last day to bask in his hotness. Can I just say he was hot in True Blood, but he goes up a degree when he's all tan. Yum!

So we take this final day to think back to Alexander Skarsgard's past. Remember fondly when he ripped some guys heart out of his chest, when he yelled at his brother after he got tasered, and my favorite moment. When he got drunk on fairy blood, he was so darn cute. Take a moment of silence to honor his ending.

Tomorrow we will move on to a new man to gaze upon, as is our God given right as women...and men. Whatever floats your boat. 

Daily Joke

I've just seen a group of transexual women dressed up as superheros.

I think it was the 'Ex-men'.

Daily Joke

Waiting alone in the car; Everyone outside automatically becomes a rapist....

Daily Joke

That awkward moment when your parents are giving you the sex talk and you correct them.

Daily Joke

I designed new letterheads for a plastic surgeon.

The new ones read: "If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons."

Daily Joke

Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "Fuck!" really loud then people scurry like mad.

Daily Joke

The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains, gives me hope for our next generation.

Daily Joke

 

The most powerful I ever feel is when I wave pedestrians to walk in front of my car.

"Yes, yes. Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you!"

Daily Joke

Best Insult:

You: "(cough cough) Whore!"

Person You Hate: "Excuse me?"

You: "Oh I just had something in my throat, you should know how that feels."

So I haven't really reviewed anything yet, so I figured I would start with one of my favorite series by Maya Banks.

The McCabe Trilogy:

Set in....old times in Scotland. Each book is about one of the three McCabe brothers, Ewan, Alaric, Caelen and their future wives, Mairin, Keeley, and Rionna. Each couple faces struggles and conflict, threats from their pasts and present.

I have read these books so many times it's a little crazy. And every time I've read them I get a little annoyed at the whole women in their place thing, but hey, I'm a woman. Go figure. Every time one of the guys would "put them in their place" I wanted to punch them. But it's the time period of the book so it's accurate. I loved  the love story aspect, because the love built it wasn't an instant thing. There wasn't anything that ruled the books, you know some books are so focused on one thing, the love, revenge, etc., but these aren't like that. Everything is important and blends into the next book without creating an annoying cliffhanger. There were parts of this series that made me cry, especially the ending of the second one, but they also made me laugh. They were witty, and emotional. I loved them. And never forget the more sinful aspects....they were great to.

So if you like alpha males and the women who defy them, an emotional roller coaster of sorts, and old timey dirty talk, you should give this a shot.

***If you like this series try The Montgomery & Armstrongs. Same time period, awesome story. Though I have no idea if she will ever finish the series. (Insert sad face)

Daily Joke

How To Install A Cheap Home Security System

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dished next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads: "Bubba, Bertha, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up pretty bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back. Cooter.

Daily Joke

When your cable goes out, you decide to pick up an extra shift at work. Then you get shot and end up in a coma. Then you miss the start of the Zombie Apocalypse. When all of that is happening your best friend hooks up with your wife. When he hooks up with your wife, he gets mad when you come back and tries to kill you. When he tries to kill you, you are forced to kill him instead. Don't kill your best friend. Get rid of cable. Get DIRECTV.

Thought I would give you a look at out Man of the Month. Your welcome.
You know, even though he is old enough to be my father, he is very doable. So very, very doable.

Daily Joke

Today I saw two blind guys fighting....you should have seen how fast they both ran when I said, "My moneys on the one with the knife."

Daily Joke

You'll never know true competition until you're one of the last two in musical chairs.

Daily Joke

Sometimes it's just my fear of prison food that stops me.

Knock Knock Who's there? Irish! Irish Who? Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day!
(Laughs quietly a claps hands like a retarded seal)

**You're never to old for Spongebob!!!

A little life lesson.....PAY ATTENTION!!!

Daily Joke

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir Johnny, a boy in the seat behind her, took a pen and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said very good. So April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But April didn't stir from her sleep. Once again Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said "very good" and April feel back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? And again Johnny jabbed her with the pen. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The teacher fainted.

Moral of the story...Don't sleep in class.

Daily Joke

When I see a mattress strapped on the top of a vehicle, I always think of a prostitute doing a house call.

"Hoes on the go."

Daily Joke

I want to open a store for the stoner that's a kid at heart.

It'll be the first Build-A-Bong franchise ever!

Alexander Skarsgård

Our very first Man of the Month. Over six feet of Swedish muscular goodness. He played my favorite roll of Eric Northman in True Blood. and don't tell me you didn't about shed a tear when he was blown up in Battleship.
I've been saddened for months that I wouldn't see his succulent body gracing the screen of my t.v. every Sunday night at  9. Sigh.

So I've been thinking of ways to amuse me and entertain all of you. Well maybe not all depends on your sexual preferences. Anyway I'm going to do a Daily Joke and a Man of the Month, because I like to laugh and I so do enjoy the male form in many shapes and sizes. (Insert saucy wink here)

Dear Alanea Alder,
I love your Bewitched and Bewildered series. I'm practically obsessed, not like Ali Larter in the movie but close. 
I first read your Kindred of Arkadia series, let's just say way to leave a girl hanging. The last book said "Soon. Soon the real game would begin." And then nothing, it's been like nine months almost to the day and no glimmer of hope, no bread crumbs, nothing to even tell us there will be another book. (Insert the saddest face you could ever imagine with big watery puppy dog eyes here)
Once I reached the end, hopefully not, of Rebecca and here group of crazies I turned my attention to Aiden and Meryn, in My Commander. Can you say holy yummy delicious shifter bear. I can. It was hilarious. When I read about them going to get tampons, I thought I thought I would die I laughed so hard. The same thing happened in My Protector and My Healer. And can I just say awesome release date for My Protector, best Christmas present ever.
All I ask in the face of your awesomeness is please oh please great one give us a glimpse into the next one. I have to know at least what it's going to be about so I can day dream about it when I'm supposed to be doing other stuff.


Oh in case you hadn't figured it out yet I recommend you read this series. If you like shifters, vampires, witches, laughing, and hot sex. You should read this. Alder made me get really attached to the characters. There was times I wanted to smack Aiden for Meryn. Then there was times I wanted to cry for them, (which I did). Can't wait for more!!!

Welcome to my brains creative outlet. 
This is where I will post reviews on books, movies, shows, random things that entertain me. I'll tell you jokes just to make myself laugh, I'll post quotes that all should live by. I'll give you strange thoughts.


But for now I'm going to go and read a vampire book. Cue eye roll for yet another vampire book.


I shall leave you with a thought...Are you prepared if and when a Zombie Apocalypse happens? #everyzombiemovieevercreated